The problem with fairy tales is that they're full of shit. In real life, the glass slipper pinches too tight, the prince is rarely charming, and almost no one lives happily ever after. Sound harsh? Hey, are you living in a castle yet?

BiF Naked's is not a fairy tale. Sure, there's the requisite exotic location (BiF was born in New Delhi, India), scandalous romance (her natural parents were a couple of unmarried private school kids), and a host of bad guys (dickheaded doormen, her pain in the ass first record label, and a slew of gross, gross men ).

But BiF's tack on the whole fairy tale thing has seen her swap the glass slippers for hobnail boots, and the pearl necklace and diamond earrings for lip and belly button studs. And if she's going to the big formal ball at the end of the whole story, its going to take an awfully long pair of white gloves to cover the big, ol' tattoos she's sporting on her buffed arms.

So without letting details get in the way of a good story, here's BiF's bio in a nutshell. Born in 1971 in India (we weren't shitting you), she was adopted by two American Missionaries (!!) who brought her to Kentucky (where she learned to smoke). She moved to Winnipeg and led a typical teenage existence; you know, dating pro football players (from the Winnipeg Blue Bombers), joining a couple of bands, marrying a drummer... and divorcing him eight months later. Yawn.

By 1994, she'd gone solo and one year later she'd released her first disc. You want more exotic locations? OK. Aside from touring from sea to shining sea and back again, BiF cut a swath through Berlin, Paris, Madrid, London, Stockholm, Helsinki and Oslo, playing for people who liked what they hear.

Last summer BiF hosted the "BiF Naked's Rap Punk Pop Invitational" Canadian tour in support of Stop the Violence - Face the Music. BiF along with several excellent bands, "SNFU", Raggadeath, Face the Pain, Glueleg, Ballroom Zombies, played in 18 cities across the country and reviewers were labelling it one of the coolest events of the summer...a veritable "don't miss". Of course, the biggie for BiF was the release of her second album, I Bificus, in February.

Through it all, BiF's been through lots of typical life stuff: good relationships and ones that suck; her parents' marriage busting up and hers too; getting stared at for being different and for being a woman and for saying what she feels and, sometimes, just for being. There's also been and lots of comedy, tragedy, and too many hours in the back of a tour bus with a numb ass from sitting and gritty teeth from too much Diet Coke.

A fairy tale? Hardly. But a damn good story.

The End. (So far).

Other fan sites:

• Jiblet's Pretenders Place
• Great Canadians Great Music: Bif Naked
• Yvonne's Bif Naked Page